The past month I repeatedly posted pictures and videos of penguins with the title: “Contemplating penguins”.

Only 2 people figured out what was meant.

Then, a month after-the-fact, I updated my relationship for the very first time to “engaged” (doesn’t that just sound all “social media-y”?). Suddenly it maked sense.

Pardon the interruption

Oh. Wait. Before you wonder why we have not been and are not stalking each other on Facebook or if Thomas even exists in real life, let me explain. Shortly after we moved in together, Thomas deleted his Facebook profile saying he wondered if he would even be missed. After no one mentioning anything, calling, reaching out or expressing interest, he decided he didn’t need or want the drama of social media.

I am the one who goes through phases of checking in (almost) daily. But even then, I do so rarely and don’t really engage. Facebook is usually looked at weekly. Hence the website for longer stories (like this one).

OK, back to the real story

Beginnings

The story of our engagement story started back in 2014 in a little city outside of Atlanta, Georgia. Thomas and I had been together for almost 2 years and we were on our first long vacation together. It was also Thomas’ first visit to the United States.

Friends had invited us to stay with them over Thanksgiving and we both loved spending time with them. Nicole and Tim are wonderful people and we just fell in love with them. We had a wonderful time. Nicole, being a German-American, took it upon herself to introduce Thomas to the American culture. We couldn’t have had a more perfect hostess!

As we were leaving for Savannah, she took it upon herself to impress on Thomas the cultural importance of engagement and marriage for an American woman. She also mentioned the engagement ring and used the term “rock” for a diamond.

I will never forget the look on Thomas’ face. Nicole, I will always love you for so many reasons, but also for this conversation!

As we were driving away, Thomas and I talked about American idioms and this one in particular. I said something about it being like penguins gifting rocks to build their nests. Thomas also picked up on that and our “game” was born.

We went on a Caribbean cruise, where we met a lot of Americans. It was astonishing to Thomas how quickly perfect strangers would mention my lack of ring.

“She’s a real keeper. You need to put a rock on that finger.”

“What a gem. You need to get her a rock.”

It also struck me, how often that phrase was said. One I had heard countless times but to which I had never paid any real attention. Funny how languages and their differences make you focus on common sayings.

The Search is On

Thomas took to looking spontaneously along roadsides for random pebbles, offering me them in jest.

I got pebbles from Cozumel and Belize.

I have been offered pebbles, stones and rocks from Germany, Austria, Slovenia and many locations throughout the United States. Each one picked off the road in passing.

Each time I would reply: “When you really mean it, I will accept it.”

Little did I know that he was on the lookout for real.

What I did know even back then in Georgia: Thomas loves me. Thomas wants to marry me. He was waiting for his timing.

Yes, I did ask a few times, but knew that this was HIS journey. He knew my position.

One thing he DID say:

I will ask you when no one expects it. I will not ask on a holiday.

And so the years passed. And his planning began.

Stealing from America

In 2018, my Mom and her husband, Jim, along with family friends came for a cruise on the Danube. We arranged to meet them in Regensburg.

We drove up to meet them and had a wonderful day walking through the city and then sitting on the ship just chatting and enjoying each others’ company.

Just before leaving, Thomas and I were invited into their small cabin to pick up some stuff they had brought us from the USA. My family is always so generous when they come and bring me food and stuff from the USA which I miss.

My Mom took advantage of the moment to ask me for help with her Facebook. I tried to also see what the men were talking about (because I am just a little curious), but my Mom was adamant that we turn our backs to them to better view the tablet.

She was doing her very very best to deflect me from seeing Jim give Thomas my rock.

Now I know that Thomas had arranged for them to bring me an extra object. However then I was not thinking of that and honestly never even thought about it.

They waited patiently over a year without ever finding out what Thomas did with it. They never mentioned it and eventually figured it may have gotten lost in our move, but how to ask him about it when I was always around? In fact, Thomas had not REALLY told them WHY he wanted it–they were just making assumptions.

How Thomas (didn’t) Ask

The spring of 2020, Thomas decided he needed an excavator. He and our neighbor discussed it regularly and I was realizing that only I was standing in the way of this dream. He was also bringing me around to the idea.

His birthday is in March, so I continuously was asking him what he wanted for his birthday. Every time, he would look at me and say, “I don’t know what to ask for, I have everything.”

So it was no surprise when I came downstairs on his birthday to find him sitting seriously on the sofa looking at me as I entered the living room.

He looked at me directly and said,

“I know what I want for my birthday.”

My response was,

“You want an excavator, don’t you?”

He pulled something out from behind his back and said,

“I want to give you your rock. I imported it from America.”

No. I didn’t say yes. He didn’t ask me if I would marry him. He stated he wanted to marry me.

But yes, I guess I have to say I did say yes.

After a few minutes, he said, “Now. I guess it’s time for us to go ring shopping.”

Telling the Parents

That evening, we video-chatted with my parents. That was when I found out the background story of how Thomas “stole a rock from Trump”, as it has been termed.

All of my parents are happy for us and looking forward to the next time we visit and celebrating our wedding.

Thomas’ parents were a different matter. Living so close, we wanted to tell them in person. However, Corona restrictions kept us from seeing them for a month.

We finally managed to drive out to see them. It was one of the most beautiful drives we have ever taken along the Alpine Road. There were no cars to be seen and we were in a festive, romantic mood.

Seeing the parents for the first time since the Corona lockdown was, in itself, special. Knowing that it was to announce our engagement made it even more special

So… Where are the Rings?

Good question. Corona happened.

We had the date set to go shopping and Bavaria closed down all stores “overnight”. As soon as we can go shopping without masks, we will select our rings.

Thomas is adamant that we not celebrate these steps with masks and distance.

Wait, Kristin. Rings?

Well, yes. Thomas and I will both have engagement rings as is tradition here in Bavaria. The engagement is for each person individually.

So… When’s the Wedding?

The original idea was for us to get married this autumn. It depends now on Corona and the opening up of the Oregon vital records office. I need my birth certificate with an apostille and it is only valid for 6 months as of authorization.

We are planning a German Standesamt wedding in Bavaria and having our church wedding in the Pacific Northwest.

Moving us is much easier than asking family to move for us. We both are bilingual whereas our families are not, making that also much easier on everyone.

But…. wait.. 2 weddings? Can you do that?

Actually, yes. In most of Europe having two celebrations (on two separate dates) is normal, expected and, in the case of a religious ceremony, required. There is nothing strange or uncommon about it.

In Germany, having two ceremonies is traditional. The separation of Church and State is maintained. The Standesamt is the civil part of the ceremony. When having both celebrations in the same location, some choose not to celebrate the civil ceremony with a large group.

Here, traditionally it is for immediate family.

However, it is also common to have a full wedding with the Standesbeamte officiating. The officiant is not church affiliated. When I had my first mini-meltdown concerning the civil ceremony, not wanting it to be in the city hall here, nor in an “assembly line” wedding, Thomas reminded me that we have other options here.

He doesn’t want to marry where there is an assebly line feel to it, either.

When we know more about when things will open, we will adjust the dates of our weddings accordingly. We will not plan specific dates until they become a reality.

We both agreed that our church wedding should be in the USA. That planning hasn’t really started. I have asked my friend, Marisa, to help me plan and coordinate. She is starting an event business and know she does great work. It is such a blessing to have friends and family members with amazing talents.

So. That is our story.

PS: Yes, Thomas got his excavator for his birthday, too. But that is another story.